Excellent Woman, Excellent Wife

Ever since becoming an Irish Polytheist, I’ve been interested more in the foundation of Irish belief as opposed to concentrating on the Divine themselves- especially where it concerns the Virtues or Values the Early Irish followed. One interesting one I recently stumbled onto is “Febas”.

It should go without saying that this blog is about me and my research- and as a result, anything written on the Virtues is applicable only to that; hard be it from me to tell others how to live their own lives.

It’s hard to have a religion (instead of simple “spirituality”), in my opinion, when you don’t have a foundation. And by the very definition of religion, that foundation inevitably includes some collection of values, virtues, and ethics- among other things such as doctrine.

Finding that information in Irish Polytheism, however, has been incredibly difficult. Not because the information doesn’t exist (it does within the value texts)… But because few Irish Polytheist actually talk about them; most I’ve encountered seem like they’d rather stick their head in the sand and ignore the fact they exist outside of a few key ones (like Hospitality)- and those who actually do speak about them only do so briefly.

The issue’s only further compounded by the fact those sources which are available list multiple versions of such Values- some of which are only applicable to certain classes of people within Irish society. One website, however, Tairis, does talk about them- and their information appears to be well sourced in many areas based on what I know so far.

In reading their list, one Value caught my eye a while ago: Febas; described by Tairis simply as Excellence at first, they go on to state it’s much more than that. That Febas encompasses one’s dignity (or Honor) and worth, as well as whether or not they participate in behavior that is “fitting to their status within society”.

“Behavior fitting one’s status within society” is such an interesting line to me. What behavior would that be, exactly, for the Early Irish? Furthermore, how would one go about mirroring that in the modern era? The answer to those questions is simple… But only if you are a Poet, Druid, Hospitaler, Warrior, King, or other such person.

I’m none of these things, unfortunately. What I am, is an average Housewife- and to my knowledge, the average housewife was none of these things to the Early Irish, either… So what expectations did the Early Irish have for the average Woman?

Our first basic idea comes during Fled Bricrend, during the welcoming of the Women by Bricriu- wherein he says:

Hail you tonight, wife of Loigaire the Triumphant! Fedelm-of-the-fresh-heart is no nickname for you with respect to your excellency of form and of wisdom and of lineage […] Hail to thee, Lendabair; for you that is no nickname. You are the darling and pet of all mankind on account of your splendor and of your luster […] Greeting and hail to thee, Emer, daughter of Forgall Manach, wife of the best wight in Erin! Emer of the Fair Hair is for you no nickname […]  As the sun surpasses the stars of heaven, so far do you outshine the Women of the whole world in form and shape and lineage; in youth and beauty and elegance; in good name and wisdom and address.

Earlier in the tale, Bricriu had welcomed the Men by speaking of their accomplishments in battle. Here, however, he welcomes the Women with pleasantries which are far more feminine in nature. And this is further elaborated on by the Women themselves later when they argue over which of the three should be allowed entrance to the Banquet hall first.

In this case, the first two Women’s speeches are short and focus predominantly on the prowess of their Husbands, with very little emphasis on their own qualities. The first part of Emer’s speech, however, focuses mostly on her own qualities before finally giving way to her Husband’s:

I am the standard of Women in figure, in grace, and in wisdom; none my equal in beauty, for I am the picture of Graces- myself Noble and Goodly, my eyes like a jewel that flash; figure of Grace or beauty or wisdom, or bounty, or chasteness, joy of sense, or loving, unto mine has never been likened; sighing for me is Ultonia- a nut of the heart I am clearly (and if I were a welcoming wonton, no Husband would be yours tomorrow).

In A Woman’s Words: Emer and Female Speech in the Ulster Cycle, Joanne Findon translates a portion of the same passage a bit differently- though it retains roughly the same meaning:

There has not been found beauty or grace or bearing,

there has not been found wisdom or honor or chastity,

there has not been found movement of love in a noble sexual union

nor intelligence to equal mine.

In other words, Emer sets herself up as the picture of Beauty and Grace. But she also proves that she is eloquent, has intelligence and wisdom, and is courageous for saying things the other Women would not: That she is a good wife who is chaste and loyal to her husband (and damned good in bed). And as Tairis states,

These are the kinds of virtues that define ‘a good woman’ and are seen to make her honorable according to the tale. The Triads of Ireland echo these kinds of virtues, adding ‘housewifery’ to the list along with a steady tongue and good virtue. […]

So here, we have that the basic traits of a “good Woman” are Beauty, Intelligence, Wisdom, Steady Temper (or control of their Temper), Virtue, and Honor… But the passage also implies something else: The traits of a good Wife are. And this is important because the average Irish Woman was, like in most cultures of the time, expected to be a Homemaker.

In a society that expected women to primarily be the carrers and child-bearers, these were the qualities that defined her role in a positive sense; these qualities provided stability, giving assurance of a marriage without bickering, strife, and unfaithfulness- but instead a marriage with good communication, faithfulness, and an orderly home […] [They were] expected to become good housewives, be virtuous in order to protect inheritance rights, and so on.

Given the time period, on a practical level the idea of “Being a good Housewife” likely meant several things.

It would’ve included being capable of managing a household and of performing those things considered basic “women’s labor”- such as sewing, cleaning, and cooking… But also performing basic hard maintenance, and labor for the home and farm- such as tending to the animals and flocks, harvesting their wares, procuring household necessities at market, and storing or selling the excess.

Most will likely take offense at the idea of “being virtuous in order to protect inheritance rights”, however. But knowing what I know about Early Irish concepts of Honor- and the fact that a person’s status predominantly relied on their heritage? I feel it could likely mean avoiding actions or behaviors that would lead to the Woman, her family, or her Tuath “losing Honor”. After all, decreasing your family’s honor means a lower status for your offspring- something which ultimately means lesser inheritance and a lower social standing.

Preserving or otherwise raising your family’s Honor, then, becomes important. And, by proxy, doing things that’d lower your honor (or: acting against Febas) would reasonably be avoided. And part of that, likely, is the idea that one should be a good Wife to her Husband, and a good Mother to her Children. Traits such as Wisdom, and even Control of one’s Temper, can go a long way in this.

One thing which isn’t clear, however, are the implications of Chastity and Loyalty in regards to your Spouse; one would assume it means being loyal to and not sleeping with anyone but your Husband. This becomes a lot more complex, however, when you account for the fact that Early Irish society didn’t exactly frown on various forms of Polyamory.

According to the Women’s Museum of Ireland in Multiple Marriages in Later Medieval Ireland, Polygny itself survived all the way up until the 11th century- and there certainly were instances of Women themselves taking multiple Husbands. As a result, I feel it becomes less of an issue concerning whether or not you sleep with anyone else in general… And more about whether or not that person was legally recognized as a Spouse of yours (whether it was your First Husband, or your Fifth).

But there are also other areas from which I think we can draw additional behaviors and virtues for the Housewife- and those are from Febas frequently attributed to Warriors and Hospitalers.

Guest Laws and customs in Early Ireland dictated that people had to give hospitality to anyone who requested it in the appropriate manners. No one was exempt from this, though certain people (Hospitalers) made it their living. It would make sense, then, that Febas for a Housewife would also include some aspects of a Hospitaler’s duties- though, granted, not to the extent of an actual Briugu.

The Bretha Nemed Toísech (or the Judgments Concerning Privileged Persons) lists the following requirements for Hospitalers as such:

“a never-dry cauldron, a dwelling on a public road, and a welcome to every face”

Likewise, Tairis states similar requirements:

Generous and welcoming at all times […] to be wealthy, generous and hospitable, and skilled in property management.

From this, we can plausibly gather that Febas for a Housewife would likely include being capable in Financial and other Property Management on top of managing one’s Household itself- as well as being generous and having a Willingness to offer Hospitality at all times. It could also go so far as include ensuring that you manage your household and property in such a way that you are always able to provide the basic requirements of hospitality to others, and are able to do so at a moment’s notice.

For a Warrior, Tairis has listed the following qualities which I find relevant here:

Bearing arms and showing great strength and force […] both physical and moral strength.

Where a Hospitaler’s Febas is easy for most to see applications for… The Warrior’s Febas may not be so clear in all cases. However, with Husbands often off on Cattle (and other) Raids, it often fell on Women and Children (or Disabled, elderly, etc) to tend the farms and community themselves- and to protect them should they themselves be raided.

This wasn’t a unique circumstance in any culture- though in some it was more common than others. And in most cases, the Women were taught how to fight and defend their homes on at least a basic level. The Irish were no different in this regard; Early Irish Women were often described as being capable of fighting, and of being well trained in specific styles especially.

Not only that, but having Moral strength goes hand in hand with their role as the teacher and guide of their family. Likewise, physical strength is required for the more practical aspects of tending to the herds and general labor they no doubt would’ve had to participate in.

Additionally, I feel that based on Brighid’s position often being considered that of a Hearth Goddess of sorts, we can draw some additional conclusions there as well… This adds things such as defending, maintaining, and preserving the traditions, history, (and probably even wealth) of the family- as well as potentially even having a skill or profession of some form outside of the Home.

So what does this all mean for Febas? What behavior is “befitting” of the Housewife’s place in society? What traits, then, should one be cultivating in order to uphold this value? I feel as if there’s definitely a list of “Behaviors” which could definitely be applied- and I feel this list can generally be sectioned off into two categories.

The first is actual behaviors themselves. But the second is a series of related actions. So with the way I’ve formatted the list, both things are present here; the keyword speaks of the desirable behaviors themselves that, according to Febas, one should likely attempt to abide by. The description lists the specific, associated actions which are required to be or enact them.

Beautiful

Taking care of your physical appearance, health, wellness, and hygiene; taking care in how you present yourself to others, and being poised, elegant, and graceful; I did write a post on this a while back that goes into more depth, however, about how I think Beauty can be significantly updated in the modern age to have more relevancy (and far less abelism), as a disabled person.

Temperate

Controlling both your Temper and your Tongue when necessary; Being pleasant, agreeable, well  spoken / eloquent, and willing to communicate when necessary; Communicating openly, efficiently, and effectively with others.

Hospitable

Being willing to please or assist others when appropriate or necessary; Offering the appropriate Hospitality or assistance to others when needed; Maintaining your station and capability to offer need, hospitality, or assistance when necessary.

Educated, and Wise

Educating yourself in all avenues, through any available means; Being knowledgeable, intelligent, and wise- and exercising good, sound judgement and morals.

Skilled and Capable

Being emotionally, morally, and physically prepared, strong, self sufficient; Learning at least one trade or other skill, and being proficient in general Life Skills; Being productive and responsible in Household and Financial Management, keeping your affairs in order, and maintaining a savings; Being responsible, and productive where needed.

Familial

Dedicating time and attention to your Family and Partner(s)- and being supportive of them; Being Faithful and Loyal to your Partner(s) and family; Being dedicated to the safety and well being of the family- including being willing to and capable of defending what is yours.

I felt it was important to section it rather roughly this way because it’s really very easy to say what we should be doing- like “be brave” or “be smart” and “treat others with respect”… But often times, no one ever gives instructions on how to do it; no one sits down to say “you become brave by doing this thing” or “you become smart by doing this thing” or “this is how you respect people”… And without a specific examples of how, it’s usually very hard to know exactly which actions we should be taking in all cases.

I want to point out one thing, however: That is that Febas does not just mean cultivating or participating these behaviors and actions… It also refers to excellency in them. Without at least the attempt to achieve excellency in such behavior, Febas ultimately becomes useless.